I think I am falling in love with your husband. uncle ji keeps
ringing me during the night and saying how you don't give him enough
satisfaction...what do u say is he up for grabs or not?
He's all yours for FIFTY dollars. I accept Switch, Visa, MasterCard,
but no AMEX I'm afraid. Free delivery.
I have been dating a guy going on 7 months we have common
personalities but not interest. We like going out but he likes going
to bars w/friends and I like going to dance clubs. We both like
spending time together but he likes staying home and I like going
out to see new places and things. I was really in love with a guy
for 10 yrs and always compare my old flame to him. I don't feel that
aching feeling when he's not around and I always think of us as two
separate people and not a couple...Should I stay with him?
I think you should be honest with yourself about your feelings.
If you don't fancy him then it would be best for both of you to part
sooner rather than later. And its unfair on him for you to keep on
comparing him to your wonderful ex (oh, those rose-tinted glasses -
I'm gonna spend my $50 on a pair) and ultimately it will prove
corrosive for your relationship if you continue to do so.
How do I let my boyfriend know that I really do love him with
all my heart? I try so hard and it always seems like I am getting
nowhere. He says that I reject him and push him away from me all the
time. I don't see how he thinks that. I love him more than anything
in the entire world, and he says the same thing to me. I have a lot
of problems in my life right now and I really need some one to
comfort me. He seems to think that I am taking everything out on him
and I don't feel like I am. What should I do?
You both seem insecure with each other. The sooner you both have
an honest chat about your feelings, the sooner your relationship can
move on to the next stage: mutual trust.
I've been married for about a month now. anyway.. a bit early
problems you'd think. but its just that my husband is so obsessed to
older brothers wife. they were friends before she got married to my
brother. he's always comparing me to her and often when heís
talking to me he
ends up calling me by her name. if my husband's comparisons werenít
,the rest of his family seems so obsessed by her as well. she is a
nice person...but to be compared to her continuously is making life quite
uncomfortable for me. often when I give an idea to my husband he
as being silly and if she suggests the same thing he'll be convinced
right thing to do. we were engaged a long time before our marriage
thought things would change but they havenít. I feel like I've been
pieces when he calls me by her name. it seems like everything I do
so worthless because he isnít thinking about me anyway. can you
tell me a way
to make me feel better about my life?
I think your husband sounds like a completely insensitive
wanker. If I wasn't the sensible type, I'd be recommending you shout
out an old flame's name in the throes of passion, at the very least
it'll force him to confront the reasons why! But I'm not that kinda
gal, so I reckon you need to chat to someone in the family who can
perhaps take your husband aside and perhaps explain the
insensitivity of his behaviour. Failing that, uncle ji is on the
market for $50....
hi, I have recently broken up with this guy, but I miss him etc
I really like him as he treated me right and the other guys I had
gone out with were not like this. The thing is I wasnít attracted
to his looks but his personality. and I don't know whether its because
I need someone there with me or is it because I love him. But then
what is love?
I donít know what to do, I have spoken 2 him but is it best if I
How does he feel about it? You sound like you want to get back
together, so give him a call, have a coffee and try and figure out
how he feels about it all...
I have had a very
difficult life I need help I think, I have a very close and caring
large family, I am 23 and was married for 4 years-arranged marriage.
I was dating an English guy before and during the first year of my
I went to Pakistan in Nov 96 to get
married, came straight back after 1 week and cont my life here
whilst trying to sort out my husbands visa. in Dec 96 I cont my
relationship with the English guy and then got pregnant in that
month but didn't realise until Feb. 97. the pregnancy was a stillbirth
at 32weeks which really cut me up, 4 years I lived my life with my
husband with no complaints, didn't luv him but did care. my husband
then goes to Pakistan and shafts me and divorces me, I have been
alone since last 3mnths but am so gutted, my hubb thinks I messed
about but for the last 3yrs I was deeply faithful-how do I get
on with my life- I have no kids thank god, but how do I get on with
it????? its a real hard life
I'm really sorry to
hear you have had a troubled life. Unfortunately, it's a feature of
so many arranged marriages. We can only hope that our parents will
eventually learn from cases such as yours. In the meanwhile, I would
say that you still have a whole host of opportunities ahead of you
as you are still young. Check out education or job opportunities
that have always interested you. There are many organisations that
can offer expert advice in those areas. Good luck!
I have fancied this lad for
ages and recently I was told that he likes me too, but the problem
is that we are both very shy. How can I tell him without embarrassing
myself or him. Another problem is that he is always with his
friends. Please help me.
As a radical
departure, I am going to recommend that you email him (shouldn't be
too hard in this day and age) and ask him if he fancies a chat over
a coffee. That's how I ended up with Uncle Ji -though he knew my
weak spot was mango lassi... but I'm losing the plot here! Go on,
ask him out in as discrete a fashion as you know!
Auntie, I'm gay and haven't yet
told my folk, help what do I do??
Thanks Auntie ji!
Depends if it will hurt your parents? Are they ready for it? If
you think they are then go for it. Otherwise, I think you should
seek other ways to find out their ways before broaching the subject.
Erm well I don't know where
2 start really I'm kind of embarrassed - I've recently been
attracted to my friend sexually but the problem is she is a women
and I am married with a child for about 6 months. I'm never sexually
active or interested with him but I don't know what to tell my
husband and I feel like I'm being unfaithful and if I tell my friend
she might not talk 2 me. PLEASE HELP. URGENT!
This sounds really
tricky. Are you really ready to sacrifice your family for what is
essentially an unknown quantity? It's not the fact that she is a
woman that is the problem but the essential unhappiness of your
marital solution. Perhaps you should consider some counselling? I'm
no expert but maybe your frustrations with your marriage are being channelled
temporarily into someone who is closer to you?
I think that you need to sort
out your website and stop embarrassing Asians by putting such self
made problems in which you seemingly try to boost the image of how
good of a job the site and the so called AUNTIE is! For
example in one person's problem it quotes "I hope you can be
helpful I have been advised by a friend that you can offer people
good advice. So if you can help a brother from the Asian community,
isn't that what this website is for? Then please do, I will be
waiting for your reply" to me this is a bunch of waffle which
you guys make up yourself. SORT IT OUT AND GET A LIFE. OH AND I WILL
AWAIT A REPLY FROM YOU ON THIS ISSUE!
Zindagee Editor says...
Why hello Mr Criticism.
Billy is your name I think - I would publish your email address but
that wouldn't be fair, and here at Zindagee we are actually nice
people - even Auntie, who bless her, gets quite distressed over some
of the problems she receives. I am replying to your 'problem' as
Auntie didn't quite feel up to it. And I have to say Sir, you are
easily embarrassed for an Asian! And I can assure our readers that
not a single problem has been invented by us though of course I
cannot vouch for the sincerity of those with the problem! Please
also feel free to submit your (constructive) criticism about the
site either through the Contact pages,
by signing the Guestbook or by airing
your views on our discussion
boards. The more the merrier!
My sister is a bitch! We always
used to fight when we were younger, actually we stopped physical fighting
a few years back. She is 21, 4 years older than me. Thing is,
her verbal abuse is harsh, crude and hurtful. I'm not one to swear
so I don't say anything back, and generally if you stay quiet she usually
shuts up in her own time, but its just driving me mad! Y wont she
just piss off and get married?
Easy tiger! Sibling rivalry is natural. I am one of seven
Aunties on the Zindagee staff and hell, we bitch all the time. But
we don't mean it. If your sister does persist, the silent treatment
may work as it always pays to respond to abuse by staying calm - it
generally draws the sting out of the confrontation. Of course, the
best solution would be talk to your sister about it but I suspect
you are both well past that stage.
I have real low esteem and self confidence, though people
would think otherwise. I'm really chatty, 19, but I have NEVER been
asked out by a guy. I can get on with almost everyone, I have male
friends and I actually had more male friends than female at college,
but to no avail. What's wrong
with me? I know its not the only thing in life, but it really can
get a girl down!
We live in the naughty noughties! Why don't you be
pro-active and ask one of the guys out??? I don't think you have low
self esteem if you have lots of friends who think you are full of
confidence! And you're right it's not the only thing in life - I
haven't had a date in over 20 years!
I'm 22 years old and Asian. I am married and have a two year old son. I have been
marred for 6 years now but I am very unhappy. I was forced
into marrying a guy that I detested but I thought I could get used
to it. However nothing has changed. For the past 3 years I have
realised that my feelings for the male species does nothing for me.
But being an Asian its all about the izzat. I have been having an
affair with a white woman for nearly 2 and a half years. I know she
loves me and I love her but if my husband finds out then he will
disown me and so will my whole family. The worst outcome of this
coming in the open will be they will take my son, who I love so
much, off me. I am willing to lose my family but not my son. Plz I
really need your help to get out of this marriage but not be taken
away from my son.
It is important that
you are sure about your feelings. If you do leave your husband then
it appears that your family is likely to disown you, so if you do
love this other woman, you will have to accept this. You will also
have to accept that your husband will continue to have rights to see
his son (assuming you have custody - this depends on the courts) but
also that they cannot take your son away from you permanently
legally. I suggest that you see a solicitor if you are serious about
pursuing this further and are sure you want to leave your family.
I'm 15 years old and last year I met
this guy who became a very good friend of mine, we became close
friends, but now we've drifted apart, and I really miss him. He's
found a new best friend and he does not seem to want to talk to me, I
don't know what happened between us. I can't sleep at night without
thinking about him. I think I'm in love. what do u think I should
It's always hard to
make the first move when it comes to reconciliation. But I think you
should try - go for a coffee and just catch up on what you have both
been up to over the last year. That would be a useful point from
which to rebuild your friendship, and more if that is what you want.
If he doesn't respond, then let it be - it's his loss, right?
I want to know how to
make my skin lighter... is there any kind of surgery I can have?
like a Michael Jackson job? please don't mock this problem as it
affects me a lot
I'm not a medical
expert, but if you are really worried about your skin colour you
should go see your GP who can best advise. And I'm hoping you're not
ashamed of your colour or of the problems it can cause...you are who
Hiya. right down with the nitty
gritty I am 20, at uni and I work. I am getting old, everyone around
me is with a girl, but anyway there be this gal right at work she is
just so nice and I wanna ask her out but one problem stands in the
way... we are good friends so I don't wanna be asking her out for
her to say no and then losing our friendship but it could be so much
more. Help me please, I need guidance, show me the light!
Has she given any hints to you? Perhaps you could find out if
she likes you by asking one of your mutual friends to ask some
questions about whether she likes you (tactfully of course!).
Ultimately, you will have to use the evidence to come to a decision
about whether to bring up the issue of liking her...I can understand
its a risk, but it may be worth taking. And if you're subtle about
it eg by going out for dinner and chatting about relationships, you
may get enough hints to make up your mind. Good luck.
I like a girl a lot but she is bit
religious (Muslim) so I don't have the chance to ask her out. I
think I am in love with her, trust me I know that!! no kidding. Plz
just tell me how can I start a friendship with her. I am so shy, I don't
have courage to talk to her. I hope u would have real good advice. I am 19, I don't know her age but we
go to same university, doing same course. I would ask her to marry
her but I don't want to get married at this age. Right now I cant
take care of myself how I gonna take care of my family (true innit)
but I can't forget abut her. I have tried that. or u can tell me how
to forget her.
A couple of things spring to
mind...a) how can you be in love with someone you don't know? and b)
how can you want to marry someone you don't know? I know it sounds
harsh but you do need to get a grip on reality. The first thing you
need to do is to introduce yourself to this girl, a "hey, don't
you study such and such" would be a good start. Secondly you
say she is a Muslim and that is a problem so I am assuming you are
not. These problems are not insurmountable but you do need to
establish a friendship first before a relationship or marriage. Good
please help me as something is
really bugging me. I come from a very poor working class family and
have never had a holiday in my life. When I started work, the bus to
town was a 'treat'.
Recently a new colleague has joined
my firm. He is very to-do and loves to rub my nose in the fact that
he can afford the good things in life, and I can't. He has recently
gone abroad and has set his auto reply to remind me where he has
gone every time someone mails him. It is driving me crazy, to the
point where I want to tell him exactly where he can stick the Caribbean.
How do I calm down and rise above
this individual ?
There are various things you can do
in the short run but none of them will really help you in the long
run. You need to comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are
ultimately a more sensitive individual than this person, and that
other people will recognize your human warmth. And ask your boss for
a pay rise.
I've been going out with a guy for over a year
now. My dad has caught me twice and has given me an ultimatum-
either I split up with my boyfriend or I leave the house. I can't
bear to leave him and I'm only 16. we've been through a lot together
but I don't want to lose my family. what shall I do?
I'm sorry you find yourself in this
situation. It's a shame parents haven't twigged yet that things
happen differently here but you also have to appreciate that they
are trying to defend a culture against erosion. There's no easy
answer here, but you either need to persuade your parents that you
should continue seeing your boyfriend, decide if your family is
worth giving up over him (and since you're still young, you should
think long and hard about that one), or try and meet your boyfriend
secretly and with more care, but remain aware of the consequences.
You have a lot of thinking to do.
I have a kind of problem, well it is a problem that is really
starting to bug me. I am 18, mixed race female. All my past
relationships ive been out with Asian men, who, just want to jump
straight into bed with me, and if I donít then there is no
relationship. I donít know what Iím doing wrong, or how I am
attracting these types of men, but there has not been one
relationship in my past that ive had like, you know a proper
relationship - theyíve only lasted two weeks the most. The last
relationship I had was only happening because I was ringing him up
and asking to meet him, he said he didnít have a mobile; I havenít
rung him up for a month now, to test if he would get in contact and
he hasnít. I donít know what to do, or how to attract the right
men. I donít meet these men at a nightclub or bar or anything, and
Iím not the flirty type of girl. I am quite reserved and shy at
times, yet I still attract the jokers.
Please help, as its getting me down
I don't think you should let it all get you down. Guys like that
aren't worth it after all, Asian or not. I do think that you
shouldn't worry about it too much and concentrate instead on having
fun - your personality will shine through and if guys see you having
fun, ultimately you'll end up attracting the "right"
My girlfriend of two years thinks that she isn't sexy. She
thinks that she is cute and funny, but not sexy and I think this
hurts our relationship... what should I do?
Victoria's Secret plus a camera and I'm sure you could persuade
her... Uncle ji has been trying to persuade me for years, but don't
let that discourage you.
please help me. Iíve got a big problem. Iím right now going
out with two
guys. I like one more than the other can you tell me the best way I
him without getting him hurt?
I don't think there is a "best way". All I would say
is that, at the very least, tell him in person and ASAP. Otherwise,
you aren't being fair on either of them.
My husband and I have been married
for a year now and despite our love for each other, we have one
consistent issue: his parents. Before
you think I'm the typical daughter-in-law who hates her in-laws, the
problem here is that they don't get along with their son either. We
actually live in another country far away from them and since we've
been married, I have tried my best to cultivate a relationship with
them (not just as a DIL but as a couple). However, they are not
supportive at all of their son, his career, our relationship, etc.
Any time we speak to them, they just complain about their own
problems (never ask about our life) and give us a guilt trip about
not being near them (despite the fact that my husband has been out
of the country for five years). I
am always pushing my husband to call them often and do my part in
sending them letters and cards. They don't appreciate any of our
efforts and are always arguing
with us. I try to mind my own business about their relationship with
their son but I know (through various insinuations from their part)
that they partially blame me for their relationship, which according
to my husband has always been strained. I try not to care about the
whole issue, but I find myself constantly trying to please them and
worry about what sort of relationship our future kids will have with
them. Any advice on how I can de-stress myself about this situation?
They sound like a nightmare! My
sympathies. As older though not necessarily wiser people they should
know better. Perhaps they are just jealous? Either way, I think you
should let your husband know how you feel and make clear that you
think you have made enough of an effort. To be honest, I think that
it is your husband's responsibility to stress to his parents their
role should be as loving grandparents and supporters of his life.
About three months ago I married my
fiancť. we had been engaged for about 2 years now and while dating
it seemed we were in love. but now I feel I made a huge mistake in
marrying him. We live with my in-laws and they are driving me nuts.
I hate living with his parents and he's not willing to move out. if I
wanted to live with parents I should have just stayed with my
parents and never got married. I don't know what to do please help
You really need to sort this out
with your husband. Ultimatums rarely work though. You should explain
how you feel - that you were looking forward to spending your life
with him not his parents. If he has any sense, he will realise that
it is the wise thing to do. And anyways, what the hell is a young
man living at home for these days! Is he scared of independence?
Hi there, lets see how good your
advice is. I'm at uni at the moment and I am finding life dull and
boring, people always say they're meant to be the best years of your
life! I seem to be spending quite a lot of time on my own which I
hate. I mean I want to be out there with mates, but when I am I get
taken the piss out of. This stops me from saying much and sometimes
making me want to leave. I find it hard to make new friends-I'm not
the worlds most talkative person.. so what should I do?
Uni days are the best days of your
life if you meet the right kind of people. These friends of yours
don't sound very nice. Ditch them. Join some societies - there
you'll meet people who share your interests and I'm sure you'll end
up having a great time!
Me and my ex b/f where together 6
months and he treated me like shit he ignored me cussed me and
flirted with other girls in front of me all I did was cry the only
person that was there to help was his older brother who was and
still is the sweetest guy I know well when we finally broke up his
brother asked me out at first I didn't think it was right but I had
feelings for him for awhile so I said yes and we have been together
for a month and we are doing great he treats me soooooo good
compared to his brother sooo was I wrong to do this?? cuz some
people say I am but he makes me happy what do u think?
I say go for it! Any bad feelings should be between the brothers -
you just chose the person who's right for you. Don't feel guilty,
just enjoy the ride.
After my divorce a man I had known for some time but not
trusted pursued me and finally we ended up sleeping together. He
told me that he loved me, that he was also divorced and he led me to
believe that we would always be together. He bombarded me with phone
calls, cards and gifts. Now I have discovered he is married. He has
not bothered to ring and explain anything to me. Can men really be
this cruel? Is it that easy to say you love someone and not mean it?
Why did he take up so much of his time trying to convince me that he
loved me? I am totally devastated, I feel so used and cheated.
You sound like a lovely sensitive
person. And this guy sounds like a complete tosser. He took
advantage of you at a vulnerable time straight after your divorce.
But I think now you are well rid of him (and I am praying for his
wife who I assume doesn't know about his infidelity). We all make
mistakes but the thing is, life is one big learning curve and you
will emerge from this a stronger person. And I'm sure you will meet
men who are not as heartless as this man (who will probably end up
sad and lonely...).
I am in a new relationship and my parents don't like my
boyfriend. He is a great person and all and does not do drugs. I
just don't understand why they don't like him and I want to know if
there is anything I can do to make them like him. He is the best
person I ever dated and I really like him and will continue dating
him but I am causing problems with my parents by dating him. He and
I have something very special and I don't want to ruin it just
because of my parents. Is there any way you can help me?
It always pays to be honest (I think). Maybe you should
try and have a (civil) chat with your parents about why they do not
like him. They may have some mistaken impression of him which could
be easily corrected. If there are still irreconcilable differences
between you and your parents, you should ask them to respect your
wishes. I assume you are old enough to make your own choices...
One of my sisters is divorced, and
the other one is not happy with her husband, and my brother has ran
away with his girlfriend and got married. Now I'm the one my parents
are looking to, to still keep some izzat for the family. You see I'm
married too, but my partner is not in England, and I haven't lived
with him yet at all. I don't fault him, I just don't get on with
him. I don't want to hurt anyone, but this will eat me up inside,
and I can't put an act on, but I can't break it off either. I am so
depressed, and I have felt like this for more than a year.
Sometimes I wish I would die, so it
would all end, but I know if anything went wrong my family will
literally fall apart (what's left of it that is).
I'm sorry you've had to face all
these problems at such an early stage in your life. And I'm sure
there are many others who are in your position when it comes to
these arranged marriages, which whilst they can be happy and
successful, often tend not to be in this day and age. Unfortunately,
a battle is being fought out between old and new values - we are all
stuck in the middle. I'm not sure how it will all turn out but if
you can (and I know this sounds easier than it actually is in
practice) you should try and talk to your parents and see if this
marriage can't be broken off. After all, it would be more damaging
if he came over here and then it all went pear-shaped. You have to
be ready to offer your parents an alternative though because they
will worry about how you intend to choose a partner.
I hate to admit it but I got bad
breath! I don't know wot to do! Its ruining my social life, I try
having chewing gum in my mouth all the time, but I don't want to
chew 24 hours a day!
HELP ME PLEASE!
It sounds like you have a medical
problem - go see your doctor.... NOW!
My name is Danial. I have this
crush on a girl at school, her name is Ellena. She's
really special to me, but I don't have enough confidence in me to
ask her out as a girlfriend. She's so popular and I'm shy. WHAT
SHOULD I DO?
You say she is really special to
you and yet you don't know this lass. I think you should try and
have a chat with her without building it up as asking her out for a
date. She's bound to say no if she doesn't know you! Try and say
hello in class first and take it from there. If she likes you
following on from that, I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to have
further conversations...and take it from there.
I have had feelings for this guy
who is a year older than me. I've known him for 9 months but my
feelings don't go but have become stronger for him. There's nothing I
wouldn't do for him. I feel like killing myself because he's the only
piece of happiness that I get in my sad depressing life. but he doesn't
know my feelings for him because I don't know how he would react.
plz help me !!!!!
In life we all have to take risks.
He's never going to know how you feel about him if you don't tell
him. So you have to take that chance (otherwise it will just make
you more depressed). There are several ways of doing this - talk to
him yourself, or if you are not confident enough, try and gauge his
feelings through an intermediary.
I cant stop eating chocolate!!! I know its bad for me, coz I get bad
spots, but I cant help myself!! bad spots too, more like cysts, and
they are taking over my life!
I would suggest seeing your GP for
your spots as chocolate does not necessarily cause them. Taking over
your life? ummm, a psychiatrist might be a good bet though better
still, you should think about all the fantastic things you could be
doing with your time, especially with summer round the corner!
You've got to help!! I'm a 17 yr
old girl, and I suffer from facial hair, obviously being Asian is
worse because the hair is dark, what can I do???
We all have facial hair, whether we
are male or female. There are various remedies available, but the
best is probably laser treatment, but it can be expensive. So you
might want to see if your GP can get it for you on the NHS
especially if the problem is acute.
Please help! I am 17 and I met my
boyfriend 6 months ago and he has asked me to marry him.. I want to
but I've met another guy who has also asked me to marry him.. I love
my boyfriend but he is of a different cast and this will cause a lot
of problems... I could easily marry this other "friend"
but I don't love him as much! I know that marrying the man I don't
love as much will cause less problems to my parents but marrying the
man I'm madly in love with is impossible unless I run away! but I don't
want to lose my family! not marrying anybody is not an option
because my parents are pressuring me and wont take no for an answer,
in fact they will disown me if I refuse! you are my last hope auntie
please don't let me down!
I have my reservations about people
getting married so young so I would say wait and see. You should
tell both of them to give you time to think, if they really love you
it won't matter. And then you need to get your thinking cap on but
without the pressure of having to choose you can take your time.
Perhaps what's important and what's not will become clearer with
I'm 19 and I went out with this guy
for 3 years, everything was going well until one day when my parents
told me I was having an arranged marriage. Knowing I was going to be
forced into a marriage, me and my boyfriend spent one last night
together but it went too far and we had an intimate experience. now I
am in the first month of a forced marriage but I have discovered
that I'm pregnant. I was too heartbroken to sleep with my new
husband on my wedding night so I know the only person I have ever
been intimate with is my ex boyfriend.... I have noone else to ask
for advice please help..!
I think you should let your
ex-boyfriend know first, it is after all his baby too. You then need
to consider your options with regard to the baby (your local health
clinic will be able to help you, in confidence). Depending on what
you decide you may have to tell your husband. In any event, the more
people you can confide in the more support you will have if the
situation gets tense. And you shouldn't kid yourself, there are some
difficult choices to be made ahead.
I have two mates who
are both lads. I know that doesn't sound strange but I suspect that
they are gay! I think that I'm neutral about the way I feel about
gay people but the thing is when it's people that I know it makes me
cringe! Do you think that I should confront them or mind my own
business because they are friends and people are beginning to talk!
You don't say if
you're a lad or ladette! It doesn't matter but it might help explain
why you feel the way you do. In any event, you should let your
friends make their own choices like everyone else. The question for
you is, if you stop being their friend because of who they are or
want to be (and you're not sure they are gay!), what kind of friend
does that make you?
I'm the same girl who wrote to you
about the two male friends being gay (see above for first problem). It's gotten to a stage where everyone
knows that they are both gay! And it is no longer something that I
am not sure about! I know they are gay as they have both told me separately!
The thing is I no longer want to be their friend as I believe in
Islam! And in Islam it says that you shouldn't let gay people into
I can't comment on what it says
about gay people in Islam, as I don't know enough about it. But I
will say that friends make their own choices, good or bad, and the
way you deal with your friends is an indication of your concept of
friendship, which 100% of people would say includes loyalty. You
need to think hard about what it means to you.
not be disclosed)
I find myself going
mad at the minute cause I do too many things. I am currently doing a
degree that I hate and although it should be the top priority I
can't motivate myself to do it as I don't like it and in the end my
result is not going to be proof of my true ability. Is it worth
doing another degree that I will enjoy or just get on with life?
The grass always
seems greener on the other side. Perhaps you need to think about
whether studying is really for you. If you choose another subject
what's to say you won't end up disinterested again? On the other
hand if you know there's something you really want to do at
university and that it will lead to something else you really want
to do then go for it. You have a lot of thinking to do. In the
meanwhile, all is not lost. See what you can you do in your current
degree by working as hard as you can over the coming weeks...you
never know, you may just surprise yourself. Good luck in your exams!
I can't manage my
money well! I'm a full time student so you imagine the expenses
there, and I work so you'd think I don't have to worry about my
finances but I'm a mad spender. Half my money goes out for food,
rent coz I pay my parents as I want to contribute, my driving
lessons and also for my personal expenses. The main problem is that
whenever I need money I just go to the cash machine and get a tenner
out. My statements show a long line of money paid out, I fear I
won't have anything left for when I start uni!
Yours is a common
problem. And although it may sound harsh, you need to get a grip!
How much can you afford to spend a week? Now, take this amount out
at the beginning of the week, or half at the beginning and the other
half in the middle of the week, and DON'T go to the cashpoint again
until the following week. You'll see it'll work wonders for your
I don't want to sound boastful, but my problem is that I get
approached by lots of guys who all want to get close to me and have
a proper loving relationship, but you see I just want to be friends
and nothing else. How can I make them understand this without being
It is unfortunate that your friends are immature. It's up to them
to accept you as a friend and nothing more.
My exams are coming
up soon and I'm really getting stressed. Teachers keep telling' us
how we revise and revise and get the best grades possible - but I'm
really worried. What if I fail? I don't think I'll be able to handle
it, I'm so stressed, can you please help?
You need to make
yourself an exam timetable and schedule relaxation time as well -
rest is as important as work. Approach your work in a piecemeal
fashion, you'll find you'll appreciate just how much work you're
doing if you can tick off each piece as you go. You'll be less
stressed as well which will help you revise and ultimately, get
I am totally confused
and upset and have no-one to speak to. I love my husband very much
but I am also having an affair with this guy I met at work. I really
like him and now he wants to take our relationship further and wants
me to move in with him. I have a child with my husband and I want to
do what's best, but I really like this guy. He always buys lots of
presents for me and my child. He always compliments me and says I am
really beautiful. I don't know what to do. I know I love my husband
and that what I'm doing is wrong. Please help me.
You need to think
long and hard about this. You say you love your husband but the fact
that you're attracted to this other guy means there could be some
things wrong with your marriage and you are using the affair to
avoid discussing them with your husband. Take a breather and work
out your feelings, if you do love your husband you should discuss
the problems with him and see if you can work it out - he may not
even think there is a problem. Also think about your child's
feelings. At the end of the day though it is your decision.
This may sound stupid, but I'm
going to say it as it has been eating me up for some while,
mentally. I have
fallen head over heels in love with a guy. I have felt this way for
about 5-6 years now. I also know that he likes me too and still does
now. We've never spoken as we're both too shy. 2 years ago I decided
to go to college and he didn't want to. I only just recently saw him
and all the emotions came pouring back. What ever happens I don't
want to be the one to make the first move (call me old fashioned if
you like!). To make
things worse he's of a different cast to me which could make things
even more complicated. Do
you think I should move on or listen to my heart for a change? Please help!
You have to be
careful that you don't get hung up on this guy. You say you've liked
him for 6 years yet you haven't spoken to him. This is an important
first step. The only way you are going to know if he likes you and
if you like him as much as you think you do is by talking to him.
You say you don't want to make the first move, but you have to be
prepared to gamble in life. When you do get to talk to him you can
figure out your feelings and ask yourself whether the cast
difference should matter, in an ideal world it doesn't but it would
be a serious decision which you need to think long and hard about.
Also, you've been at college for 2 years now and must be having lots
of fun - you could always concentrate on your college life to take
your mind of things.
I've got my A-level exams coming up
in a few months, I'm not sure how to organize my time
constructively. I have a part time evening job and I'm too tired to
revise when I get home.
What shall I do? I
don't want to fail!
You need to strike a
balance between work and revision, and don't forget rest! Have you
thought about cutting down your hours as your exams get closer? They
are after all the most important thing for you in the end.
aunt had just asked me if I wanted to go out with her for Christmas
shopping soon and she wants to see me. She doesn't gets to see me
One problem is that my mom won't let me go out with my aunt alone. Iím
18 now and I feel that I should be able to go out and be with her.
Does my mom have the right to forbid me not to
I do miss my aunt dearly! Help me!
so special about your aunt? Are you male or female? This could make
a crucial difference especially if your aunt is attractive. At 18,
feelings do run high and hormones can get out of control; you might
end up buying that 200 pound scarf which you never really wanted. In
which case, your mother is being protective, and rightly so. But
seriously, you are now an adult, and should tell your mum how you
feel about your aunt - shopping is not a sin.
I am in love with a guy in
college. He knows that I fancy him through other mates of ours and
apparently he isn't a type of guy who goes out with girls. I kind of
understand but I want to be able to talk to him and I know he wants
to talk as well but none of us actually do. what shall I do, what
shall I say to him?
How can you be in love with a guy
you haven't talked to yet? And if you are, leave your mates out of
it. You don't have to go up and declare your amorous intentions to
him (that would scare the life out of him; and make you out as a
nutter!). But you could say Hi, and take it from there - you might
not even like him if you get to know him better...but at the very
least don't beat yourself up over it. And if he doesn't go out with
girls, ummm...that's another problem.