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Welcome to Ask Auntie!

The one woman who always thinks she knows best!

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Dear Auntie...  NEW!

I think I am falling in love with your husband. uncle ji keeps ringing me during the night and saying how you don't give him enough satisfaction...what do u say is he up for grabs or not?

Auntie says...

He's all yours for FIFTY dollars. I accept Switch, Visa, MasterCard, but no AMEX I'm afraid. Free delivery.


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

I have been dating a guy going on 7 months we have common personalities but not interest. We like going out but he likes going to bars w/friends and I like going to dance clubs. We both like spending time together but he likes staying home and I like going out to see new places and things. I was really in love with a guy for 10 yrs and always compare my old flame to him. I don't feel that aching feeling when he's not around and I always think of us as two separate people and not a couple...Should I stay with him?

Auntie says...

I think you should be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you don't fancy him then it would be best for both of you to part sooner rather than later. And its unfair on him for you to keep on comparing him to your wonderful ex (oh, those rose-tinted glasses - I'm gonna spend my $50 on a pair) and ultimately it will prove corrosive for your relationship if you continue to do so.


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

How do I let my boyfriend know that I really do love him with all my heart? I try so hard and it always seems like I am getting nowhere. He says that I reject him and push him away from me all the time. I don't see how he thinks that. I love him more than anything in the entire world, and he says the same thing to me. I have a lot of problems in my life right now and I really need some one to comfort me. He seems to think that I am taking everything out on him and I don't feel like I am. What should I do?

Auntie says...

You both seem insecure with each other. The sooner you both have an honest chat about your feelings, the sooner your relationship can move on to the next stage: mutual trust.


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

I've been married for about a month now. anyway.. a bit early for problems you'd think. but its just that my husband is so obsessed to his
older brothers wife. they were friends before she got married to my husband brother. he's always  comparing me to her and often when heís talking to me he ends up calling me by her name. if my husband's comparisons werenít enough
,the rest of his family seems so obsessed by her as well. she is a really nice person...but to be compared to her continuously is making life quite uncomfortable for me. often when I give an idea to my husband he dismisses
it as being silly and if she suggests the same thing he'll be convinced its the
right thing to do. we were engaged a long time before our marriage and I thought things would change but they havenít. I feel like I've been torn to pieces when he calls me by her name. it seems like everything I do for him
is so worthless because he isnít thinking about me anyway. can you tell me a way to make me feel better about my life?

Auntie says...

I think your husband sounds like a completely insensitive wanker. If I wasn't the sensible type, I'd be recommending you shout out an old flame's name in the throes of passion, at the very least it'll force him to confront the reasons why! But I'm not that kinda gal, so I reckon you need to chat to someone in the family who can perhaps take your husband aside and perhaps explain the insensitivity of his behaviour. Failing that, uncle ji is on the market for $50....


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

hi, I have recently broken up with this guy, but I miss him etc I really like him as he treated me right and the other guys I had gone out with were not like this. The thing is I wasnít attracted to his looks but his personality. and I don't know whether its because I need someone there with me or is it because I love him. But then what is love? I donít know what to do, I have spoken 2 him but is it best if I forget him?

Auntie says...

How does he feel about it? You sound like you want to get back together, so give him a call, have a coffee and try and figure out how he feels about it all...


Dear Auntie...

I have had a very difficult life I need help I think, I have a very close and caring large family, I am 23 and was married for 4 years-arranged marriage. I was dating an English guy before and during the first year of my marriage.

I went to Pakistan in Nov 96 to get married, came straight back after 1 week and cont my life here whilst trying to sort out my husbands visa. in Dec 96 I cont my relationship with the English guy and then got pregnant in that month but didn't realise until Feb. 97. the pregnancy was a stillbirth at 32weeks which really cut me up, 4 years I lived my life with my husband with no complaints, didn't luv him but did care. my husband then goes to Pakistan and shafts me and divorces me, I have been alone since last 3mnths but am so gutted, my hubb thinks I messed about but for the last 3yrs I was deeply faithful-how do I get on with my life- I have no kids thank god, but how do I get on with it????? its a real hard life

Auntie says...

I'm really sorry to hear you have had a troubled life. Unfortunately, it's a feature of so many arranged marriages. We can only hope that our parents will eventually learn from cases such as yours. In the meanwhile, I would say that you still have a whole host of opportunities ahead of you as you are still young. Check out education or job opportunities that have always interested you. There are many organisations that can offer expert advice in those areas. Good luck!


Dear Auntie...  

I have fancied this lad for ages and recently I was told that he likes me too, but the problem is that we are both very shy. How can I tell him without embarrassing myself or him. Another problem is that he is always with his friends. Please help me.

Auntie says...

As a radical departure, I am going to recommend that you email him (shouldn't be too hard in this day and age) and ask him if he fancies a chat over a coffee. That's how I ended up with Uncle Ji -though he knew my weak spot was mango lassi... but I'm losing the plot here! Go on, ask him out in as discrete a fashion as you know!


Dear Auntie...  

Auntie, I'm gay and haven't yet told my folk, help what do I do??

Thanks Auntie ji!

Auntie says...

Depends if it will hurt your parents? Are they ready for it? If you think they are then go for it. Otherwise, I think you should seek other ways to find out their ways before broaching the subject. Good luck!


Dear Auntie...  

Erm well I don't know where 2 start really I'm kind of embarrassed -  I've recently been attracted to my friend sexually but the problem is she is a women and I am married with a child for about 6 months. I'm never sexually active or interested with him but I don't know what to tell my husband and I feel like I'm being unfaithful and if I tell my friend she might not talk 2 me. PLEASE HELP. URGENT!

Auntie says...

This sounds really tricky. Are you really ready to sacrifice your family for what is essentially an unknown quantity? It's not the fact that she is a woman that is the problem but the essential unhappiness of your marital solution. Perhaps you should consider some counselling? I'm no expert but maybe your frustrations with your marriage are being channelled temporarily into someone who is closer to you?


Dear Auntie...

I think that you need to sort out your website and stop embarrassing Asians by putting such self made problems in which you seemingly try to boost the image of how good of a job the site and the so called AUNTIE is! For example in one person's problem it quotes "I hope you can be helpful I have been advised by a friend that you can offer people good advice. So if you can help a brother from the Asian community, isn't that what this website is for? Then please do, I will be waiting for your reply" to me this is a bunch of waffle which you guys make up yourself. SORT IT OUT AND GET A LIFE. OH AND I WILL AWAIT A REPLY FROM YOU ON THIS ISSUE!

Zindagee Editor says...

Why hello Mr Criticism. Billy is your name I think - I would publish your email address but that wouldn't be fair, and here at Zindagee we are actually nice people - even Auntie, who bless her, gets quite distressed over some of the problems she receives. I am replying to your 'problem' as Auntie didn't quite feel up to it. And I have to say Sir, you are easily embarrassed for an Asian! And I can assure our readers that not a single problem has been invented by us though of course I cannot vouch for the sincerity of those with the problem! Please also feel free to submit your (constructive) criticism about the site either through the Contact pages, by signing the Guestbook or by airing your views on our discussion boards. The more the merrier! 


Dear Auntie...  

My sister is a bitch! We always used to fight when we were younger, actually we stopped physical fighting a few years back. She is 21,  4 years older than me. Thing is, her verbal abuse is harsh, crude and hurtful. I'm not one to swear so I don't say anything back, and generally if you stay quiet she usually shuts up in her own time, but its just driving me mad! Y wont she just piss off and get married?

Auntie says...

Easy tiger! Sibling rivalry is natural. I am one of seven Aunties on the Zindagee staff and hell, we bitch all the time. But we don't mean it. If your sister does persist, the silent treatment may work as it always pays to respond to abuse by staying calm - it generally draws the sting out of the confrontation. Of course, the best solution would be talk to your sister about it but I suspect you are both well past that stage.


Dear Auntie...  


I have real low esteem and self confidence, though people would think otherwise. I'm really chatty, 19, but I have NEVER been asked out by a guy. I can get on with almost everyone, I have male friends and I actually had more male friends than female at college, but to no avail. What's wrong with me? I know its not the only thing in life, but it really can get a girl down!

Auntie says...

We live in the naughty noughties! Why don't you be pro-active and ask one of the guys out??? I don't think you have low self esteem if you have lots of friends who think you are full of confidence! And you're right it's not the only thing in life - I haven't had a date in over 20 years! 


Dear Auntie...  

I'm 22 years old and Asian. I am married and have a two year old son. I have been marred for 6 years now but I am very unhappy. I was forced into marrying a guy that I detested but I thought I could get used to it. However nothing has changed. For the past 3 years I have realised that my feelings for the male species does nothing for me. But being an Asian its all about the izzat. I have been having an affair with a white woman for nearly 2 and a half years. I know she loves me and I love her but if my husband finds out then he will disown me and so will my whole family. The worst outcome of this coming in the open will be they will take my son, who I love so much, off me. I am willing to lose my family but not my son. Plz I really need your help to get out of this marriage but not be taken away from my son.

Auntie says...

It is important that you are sure about your feelings. If you do leave your husband then it appears that your family is likely to disown you, so if you do love this other woman, you will have to accept this. You will also have to accept that your husband will continue to have rights to see his son (assuming you have custody - this depends on the courts) but also that they cannot take your son away from you permanently legally. I suggest that you see a solicitor if you are serious about pursuing this further and are sure you want to leave your family.


Dear Auntie...  

I'm 15 years old and last year I met this guy who became a very good friend of mine, we became close friends, but now we've drifted apart, and I really miss him. He's found a new best friend and he does not seem to want to talk to me, I don't know what happened between us. I can't sleep at night without thinking about him. I think I'm in love. what do u think I should do?

Auntie says...

It's always hard to make the first move when it comes to reconciliation. But I think you should try - go for a coffee and just catch up on what you have both been up to over the last year. That would be a useful point from which to rebuild your friendship, and more if that is what you want. If he doesn't respond, then let it be - it's his loss, right?


Dear Auntie... 

I want to know how to make my skin lighter... is there any kind of surgery I can have? like a Michael Jackson job? please don't mock this problem as it affects me a lot

Auntie says...

I'm not a medical expert, but if you are really worried about your skin colour you should go see your GP who can best advise. And I'm hoping you're not ashamed of your colour or of the problems it can cause...you are who you are.



Dear Auntie...  

Hiya. right down with the nitty gritty I am 20, at uni and I work. I am getting old, everyone around me is with a girl, but anyway there be this gal right at work she is just so nice and I wanna ask her out but one problem stands in the way... we are good friends so I don't wanna be asking her out for her to say no and then losing our friendship but it could be so much more. Help me please, I need guidance, show me the light!

Auntie says...

Has she given any hints to you? Perhaps you could find out if she likes you by asking one of your mutual friends to ask some questions about whether she likes you (tactfully of course!). Ultimately, you will have to use the evidence to come to a decision about whether to bring up the issue of liking her...I can understand its a risk, but it may be worth taking. And if you're subtle about it eg by going out for dinner and chatting about relationships, you may get enough hints to make up your mind. Good luck.


Dear Auntie...  

I like a girl a lot but she is bit religious (Muslim) so I don't have the chance to ask her out. I think I am in love with her, trust me I know that!! no kidding. Plz just tell me how can I start a friendship with her. I am so shy, I don't have courage to talk to her. I hope u would have real good advice. I am 19, I don't know her age but we go to same university, doing same course. I would ask her to marry her but I don't want to get married at this age. Right now I cant take care of myself how I gonna take care of my family (true innit) but I can't forget abut her. I have tried that. or u can tell me how to forget her.

Auntie says...

A couple of things spring to mind...a) how can you be in love with someone you don't know? and b) how can you want to marry someone you don't know? I know it sounds harsh but you do need to get a grip on reality. The first thing you need to do is to introduce yourself to this girl, a "hey, don't you study such and such" would be a good start. Secondly you say she is a Muslim and that is a problem so I am assuming you are not. These problems are not insurmountable but you do need to establish a friendship first before a relationship or marriage. Good luck!


Dear Auntie...  

please help me as something is really bugging me. I come from a very poor working class family and have never had a holiday in my life. When I started work, the bus to town was a 'treat'.

Recently a new colleague has joined my firm. He is very to-do and loves to rub my nose in the fact that he can afford the good things in life, and I can't. He has recently gone abroad and has set his auto reply to remind me where he has gone every time someone mails him. It is driving me crazy, to the point where I want to tell him exactly where he can stick the Caribbean. 

How do I calm down and rise above this individual ?

Auntie says...

There are various things you can do in the short run but none of them will really help you in the long run. You need to comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are ultimately a more sensitive individual than this person, and that other people will recognize your human warmth. And ask your boss for a pay rise.


Dear Auntie...   

I've been going out with a guy for over a year now. My dad has caught me twice and has given me an ultimatum- either I split up with my boyfriend or I leave the house. I can't bear to leave him and I'm only 16. we've been through a lot together but I don't want to lose my family. what shall I do?

Auntie says...

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's a shame parents haven't twigged yet that things happen differently here but you also have to appreciate that they are trying to defend a culture against erosion. There's no easy answer here, but you either need to persuade your parents that you should continue seeing your boyfriend, decide if your family is worth giving up over him (and since you're still young, you should think long and hard about that one), or try and meet your boyfriend secretly and with more care, but remain aware of the consequences. You have a lot of thinking to do.

Dear Auntie...  NEW!

I have a kind of problem, well it is a problem that is really starting to bug me. I am 18, mixed race female. All my past relationships ive been out with Asian men, who, just want to jump straight into bed with me, and if I donít then there is no relationship. I donít know what Iím doing wrong, or how I am attracting these types of men, but there has not been one relationship in my past that ive had like, you know a proper relationship - theyíve only lasted two weeks the most. The last relationship I had was only happening because I was ringing him up and asking to meet him, he said he didnít have a mobile; I havenít rung him up for a month now, to test if he would get in contact and he hasnít. I donít know what to do, or how to attract the right men. I donít meet these men at a nightclub or bar or anything, and Iím not the flirty type of girl. I am quite reserved and shy at times, yet I still attract the jokers.
Please help, as its getting me down

Auntie says...

I don't think you should let it all get you down. Guys like that aren't worth it after all, Asian or not. I do think that you shouldn't worry about it too much and concentrate instead on having fun - your personality will shine through and if guys see you having fun, ultimately you'll end up attracting the "right" types.


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

My girlfriend of two years thinks that she isn't sexy. She thinks that she is cute and funny, but not sexy and I think this hurts our relationship... what should I do?

Auntie says...

Victoria's Secret plus a camera and I'm sure you could persuade her... Uncle ji has been trying to persuade me for years, but don't let that discourage you.


Dear Auntie...  NEW!

please help me. Iíve got a big problem. Iím right now going out with two guys. I like one more than the other can you tell me the best way I can
dump him without getting him hurt?

Auntie says...

I don't think there is a "best way". All I would say is that, at the very least, tell him in person and ASAP. Otherwise, you aren't being fair on either of them.


Dear Auntie...

My husband and I have been married for a year now and despite our love for each other, we have one consistent issue: his parents. Before you think I'm the typical daughter-in-law who hates her in-laws, the problem here is that they don't get along with their son either. We actually live in another country far away from them and since we've been married, I have tried my best to cultivate a relationship with them (not just as a DIL but as a couple). However, they are not supportive at all of their son, his career, our relationship, etc. Any time we speak to them, they just complain about their own problems (never ask about our life) and give us a guilt trip about not being near them (despite the fact that my husband has been out of the country for five years). I am always pushing my husband to call them often and do my part in sending them letters and cards. They don't appreciate any of our efforts and are always arguing with us. I try to mind my own business about their relationship with their son but I know (through various insinuations from their part) that they partially blame me for their relationship, which according to my husband has always been strained. I try not to care about the whole issue, but I find myself constantly trying to please them and worry about what sort of relationship our future kids will have with them. Any advice on how I can de-stress myself about this situation?

Auntie says...

They sound like a nightmare! My sympathies. As older though not necessarily wiser people they should know better. Perhaps they are just jealous? Either way, I think you should let your husband know how you feel and make clear that you think you have made enough of an effort. To be honest, I think that it is your husband's responsibility to stress to his parents their role should be as loving grandparents and supporters of his life.


Dear Auntie...  

About three months ago I married my fiancť. we had been engaged for about 2 years now and while dating it seemed we were in love. but now I feel I made a huge mistake in marrying him. We live with my in-laws and they are driving me nuts. I hate living with his parents and he's not willing to move out. if I wanted to live with parents I should have just stayed with my parents and never got married. I don't know what to do please help me.

Auntie says...

You really need to sort this out with your husband. Ultimatums rarely work though. You should explain how you feel - that you were looking forward to spending your life with him not his parents. If he has any sense, he will realise that it is the wise thing to do. And anyways, what the hell is a young man living at home for these days! Is he scared of independence?


Dear Auntie...  

Hi there, lets see how good your advice is. I'm at uni at the moment and I am finding life dull and boring, people always say they're meant to be the best years of your life! I seem to be spending quite a lot of time on my own which I hate. I mean I want to be out there with mates, but when I am I get taken the piss out of. This stops me from saying much and sometimes making me want to leave. I find it hard to make new friends-I'm not the worlds most talkative person.. so what should I do?

Auntie says...

Uni days are the best days of your life if you meet the right kind of people. These friends of yours don't sound very nice. Ditch them. Join some societies - there you'll meet people who share your interests and I'm sure you'll end up having a great time!


Dear Auntie...  

Me and my ex b/f where together 6 months and he treated me like shit he ignored me cussed me and flirted with other girls in front of me all I did was cry the only person that was there to help was his older brother who was and still is the sweetest guy I know well when we finally broke up his brother asked me out at first I didn't think it was right but I had feelings for him for awhile so I said yes and we have been together for a month and we are doing great he treats me soooooo good compared to his brother sooo was I wrong to do this?? cuz some people say I am but he makes me happy what do u think?

Auntie says...

I say go for it! Any bad feelings should be between the brothers - you just chose the person who's right for you. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy the ride.


Dear Auntie...

After my divorce a man I had known for some time but not trusted pursued me and finally we ended up sleeping together. He told me that he loved me, that he was also divorced and he led me to believe that we would always be together. He bombarded me with phone calls, cards and gifts. Now I have discovered he is married. He has not bothered to ring and explain anything to me. Can men really be this cruel? Is it that easy to say you love someone and not mean it? Why did he take up so much of his time trying to convince me that he loved me? I am totally devastated, I feel so used and cheated.

Auntie says...

You sound like a lovely sensitive person. And this guy sounds like a complete tosser. He took advantage of you at a vulnerable time straight after your divorce. But I think now you are well rid of him (and I am praying for his wife who I assume doesn't know about his infidelity). We all make mistakes but the thing is, life is one big learning curve and you will emerge from this a stronger person. And I'm sure you will meet men who are not as heartless as this man (who will probably end up sad and lonely...).


Dear Auntie...  

I am in a new relationship and my parents don't like my boyfriend. He is a great person and all and does not do drugs. I just don't understand why they don't like him and I want to know if there is anything I can do to make them like him. He is the best person I ever dated and I really like him and will continue dating him but I am causing problems with my parents by dating him. He and I have something very special and I don't want to ruin it just because of my parents. Is there any way you can help me?

Auntie says...

It always pays to be honest (I think). Maybe you should try and have a (civil) chat with your parents about why they do not like him. They may have some mistaken impression of him which could be easily corrected. If there are still irreconcilable differences between you and your parents, you should ask them to respect your wishes. I assume you are old enough to make your own choices...


Dear Auntie...  

One of my sisters is divorced, and the other one is not happy with her husband, and my brother has ran away with his girlfriend and got married. Now I'm the one my parents are looking to, to still keep some izzat for the family. You see I'm married too, but my partner is not in England, and I haven't lived with him yet at all. I don't fault him, I just don't get on with him. I don't want to hurt anyone, but this will eat me up inside, and I can't put an act on, but I can't break it off either. I am so depressed, and I have felt like this for more than a year.

Sometimes I wish I would die, so it would all end, but I know if anything went wrong my family will literally fall apart (what's left of it that is).

Auntie says...

I'm sorry you've had to face all these problems at such an early stage in your life. And I'm sure there are many others who are in your position when it comes to these arranged marriages, which whilst they can be happy and successful, often tend not to be in this day and age. Unfortunately, a battle is being fought out between old and new values - we are all stuck in the middle. I'm not sure how it will all turn out but if you can (and I know this sounds easier than it actually is in practice) you should try and talk to your parents and see if this marriage can't be broken off. After all, it would be more damaging if he came over here and then it all went pear-shaped. You have to be ready to offer your parents an alternative though because they will worry about how you intend to choose a partner. 


Dear Auntie...  

I hate to admit it but I got bad breath! I don't know wot to do! Its ruining my social life, I try having chewing gum in my mouth all the time, but I don't want to chew 24 hours a day!

HELP ME PLEASE!

Auntie says...

It sounds like you have a medical problem - go see your doctor.... NOW!


Dear Auntie...  

My name is Danial. I have this crush on a girl at school, her name is Ellena. She's really special to me, but I don't have enough confidence in me to ask her out as a girlfriend. She's so popular and I'm shy. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Auntie says...

You say she is really special to you and yet you don't know this lass. I think you should try and have a chat with her without building it up as asking her out for a date. She's bound to say no if she doesn't know you! Try and say hello in class first and take it from there. If she likes you following on from that, I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to have further conversations...and take it from there.


Dear Auntie...  

I have had feelings for this guy who is a year older than me. I've known him for 9 months but my feelings don't go but have become stronger for him. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I feel like killing myself because he's the only piece of happiness that I get in my sad depressing life. but he doesn't know my feelings for him because I don't know how he would react. plz help me !!!!!

Auntie says...

In life we all have to take risks. He's never going to know how you feel about him if you don't tell him. So you have to take that chance (otherwise it will just make you more depressed). There are several ways of doing this - talk to him yourself, or if you are not confident enough, try and gauge his feelings through an intermediary.


Dear Auntie... 

I cant stop eating chocolate!!! I know its bad for me, coz I get bad spots, but I cant help myself!! bad spots too, more like cysts, and they are taking over my life!

Auntie says...

I would suggest seeing your GP for your spots as chocolate does not necessarily cause them. Taking over your life? ummm, a psychiatrist might be a good bet though better still, you should think about all the fantastic things you could be doing with your time, especially with summer round the corner! 


Dear Auntie...  

You've got to help!! I'm a 17 yr old girl, and I suffer from facial hair, obviously being Asian is worse because the hair is dark, what can I do???

Auntie says...

We all have facial hair, whether we are male or female. There are various remedies available, but the best is probably laser treatment, but it can be expensive. So you might want to see if your GP can get it for you on the NHS especially if the problem is acute.


Dear Auntie...  

Please help! I am 17 and I met my boyfriend 6 months ago and he has asked me to marry him.. I want to but I've met another guy who has also asked me to marry him.. I love my boyfriend but he is of a different cast and this will cause a lot of problems... I could easily marry this other "friend" but I don't love him as much! I know that marrying the man I don't love as much will cause less problems to my parents but marrying the man I'm madly in love with is impossible unless I run away! but I don't want to lose my family! not marrying anybody is not an option because my parents are pressuring me and wont take no for an answer, in fact they will disown me if I refuse! you are my last hope auntie please don't let me down!

Auntie says...

I have my reservations about people getting married so young so I would say wait and see. You should tell both of them to give you time to think, if they really love you it won't matter. And then you need to get your thinking cap on but without the pressure of having to choose you can take your time. Perhaps what's important and what's not will become clearer with time.


Dear Auntie...  

I'm 19 and I went out with this guy for 3 years, everything was going well until one day when my parents told me I was having an arranged marriage. Knowing I was going to be forced into a marriage, me and my boyfriend spent one last night together but it went too far and we had an intimate experience. now I am in the first month of a forced marriage but I have discovered that I'm pregnant. I was too heartbroken to sleep with my new husband on my wedding night so I know the only person I have ever been intimate with is my ex boyfriend.... I have noone else to ask for advice please help..!

Auntie says...

I think you should let your ex-boyfriend know first, it is after all his baby too. You then need to consider your options with regard to the baby (your local health clinic will be able to help you, in confidence). Depending on what you decide you may have to tell your husband. In any event, the more people you can confide in the more support you will have if the situation gets tense. And you shouldn't kid yourself, there are some difficult choices to be made ahead.


Dear Auntie...  

I have two mates who are both lads. I know that doesn't sound strange but I suspect that they are gay! I think that I'm neutral about the way I feel about gay people but the thing is when it's people that I know it makes me cringe! Do you think that I should confront them or mind my own business because they are friends and people are beginning to talk!

Auntie says...

You don't say if you're a lad or ladette! It doesn't matter but it might help explain why you feel the way you do. In any event, you should let your friends make their own choices like everyone else. The question for you is, if you stop being their friend because of who they are or want to be (and you're not sure they are gay!), what kind of friend does that make you?

Dear Auntie... Follow up

I'm the same girl who wrote to you about the two male friends being gay (see above for first problem). It's gotten to a stage where everyone knows that they are both gay! And it is no longer something that I am not sure about! I know they are gay as they have both told me separately! The thing is I no longer want to be their friend as I believe in Islam! And in Islam it says that you shouldn't let gay people into your home!

Auntie says...

I can't comment on what it says about gay people in Islam, as I don't know enough about it. But I will say that friends make their own choices, good or bad, and the way you deal with your friends is an indication of your concept of friendship, which 100% of people would say includes loyalty. You need to think hard about what it means to you.

 

 

 

Ask Auntie...

Email address: (will not be disclosed)

Problem:

 

      

 


Dear Auntie... 

I find myself going mad at the minute cause I do too many things. I am currently doing a degree that I hate and although it should be the top priority I can't motivate myself to do it as I don't like it and in the end my result is not going to be proof of my true ability. Is it worth doing another degree that I will enjoy or just get on with life?

Auntie says...

The grass always seems greener on the other side. Perhaps you need to think about whether studying is really for you. If you choose another subject what's to say you won't end up disinterested again? On the other hand if you know there's something you really want to do at university and that it will lead to something else you really want to do then go for it. You have a lot of thinking to do. In the meanwhile, all is not lost. See what you can you do in your current degree by working as hard as you can over the coming weeks...you never know, you may just surprise yourself. Good luck in your exams!


Dear Auntie... 

I can't manage my money well! I'm a full time student so you imagine the expenses there, and I work so you'd think I don't have to worry about my finances but I'm a mad spender. Half my money goes out for food, rent coz I pay my parents as I want to contribute, my driving lessons and also for my personal expenses. The main problem is that whenever I need money I just go to the cash machine and get a tenner out. My statements show a long line of money paid out, I fear I won't have anything left for when I start uni!

Auntie says...

Yours is a common problem. And although it may sound harsh, you need to get a grip! How much can you afford to spend a week? Now, take this amount out at the beginning of the week, or half at the beginning and the other half in the middle of the week, and DON'T go to the cashpoint again until the following week. You'll see it'll work wonders for your finances.


Dear Auntie... 

I don't want to sound boastful, but my problem is that I get approached by lots of guys who all want to get close to me and have a proper loving relationship, but you see I just want to be friends and nothing else. How can I make them understand this without being cruel?

Auntie says...

It is unfortunate that your friends are immature. It's up to them to accept you as a friend and nothing more.


Dear Auntie... 

My exams are coming up soon and I'm really getting stressed. Teachers keep telling' us how we revise and revise and get the best grades possible - but I'm really worried. What if I fail? I don't think I'll be able to handle it, I'm so stressed, can you please help?

Auntie says...

You need to make yourself an exam timetable and schedule relaxation time as well - rest is as important as work. Approach your work in a piecemeal fashion, you'll find you'll appreciate just how much work you're doing if you can tick off each piece as you go. You'll be less stressed as well which will help you revise and ultimately, get better results!


Dear Auntie... 

I am totally confused and upset and have no-one to speak to. I love my husband very much but I am also having an affair with this guy I met at work. I really like him and now he wants to take our relationship further and wants me to move in with him. I have a child with my husband and I want to do what's best, but I really like this guy. He always buys lots of presents for me and my child. He always compliments me and says I am really beautiful. I don't know what to do. I know I love my husband and that what I'm doing is wrong. Please help me.

Auntie says...

You need to think long and hard about this. You say you love your husband but the fact that you're attracted to this other guy means there could be some things wrong with your marriage and you are using the affair to avoid discussing them with your husband. Take a breather and work out your feelings, if you do love your husband you should discuss the problems with him and see if you can work it out - he may not even think there is a problem. Also think about your child's feelings. At the end of the day though it is your decision.



Dear Auntie...
  

This may sound stupid, but I'm going to say it as it has been eating me up for some while, mentally. I have fallen head over heels in love with a guy. I have felt this way for about 5-6 years now. I also know that he likes me too and still does now. We've never spoken as we're both too shy. 2 years ago I decided to go to college and he didn't want to. I only just recently saw him and all the emotions came pouring back. What ever happens I don't want to be the one to make the first move (call me old fashioned if you like!). To make things worse he's of a different cast to me which could make things even more complicated. Do you think I should move on or listen to my heart for a change? Please help!

Dear Auntie... 

You have to be careful that you don't get hung up on this guy. You say you've liked him for 6 years yet you haven't spoken to him. This is an important first step. The only way you are going to know if he likes you and if you like him as much as you think you do is by talking to him. You say you don't want to make the first move, but you have to be prepared to gamble in life. When you do get to talk to him you can figure out your feelings and ask yourself whether the cast difference should matter, in an ideal world it doesn't but it would be a serious decision which you need to think long and hard about. Also, you've been at college for 2 years now and must be having lots of fun - you could always concentrate on your college life to take your mind of things.


Dear Auntie... 

I've got my A-level exams coming up in a few months, I'm not sure how to organize my time constructively. I have a part time evening job and I'm too tired to revise when I get home.

What shall I do? I don't want to fail!

Auntie says...

You need to strike a balance between work and revision, and don't forget rest! Have you thought about cutting down your hours as your exams get closer? They are after all the most important thing for you in the end.


Dear Auntie...   

 

My aunt had just asked me if I wanted to go out with her for Christmas shopping soon and she wants to see me. She doesn't gets to see me

much. One problem is that my mom won't let me go out with my aunt alone. Iím 18 now and I feel that I should be able to go out and be with her. Does my mom have the right to forbid me not to

go? I do miss my aunt dearly! Help me!

Auntie Says...

What' so special about your aunt? Are you male or female? This could make a crucial difference especially if your aunt is attractive. At 18, feelings do run high and hormones can get out of control; you might end up buying that 200 pound scarf which you never really wanted. In which case, your mother is being protective, and rightly so. But seriously, you are now an adult, and should tell your mum how you feel about your aunt - shopping is not a sin.


Dear Auntie... 

I am in love with a guy in college. He knows that I fancy him through other mates of ours and apparently he isn't a type of guy who goes out with girls. I kind of understand but I want to be able to talk to him and I know he wants to talk as well but none of us actually do. what shall I do, what shall I say to him?

Auntie says...

How can you be in love with a guy you haven't talked to yet? And if you are, leave your mates out of it. You don't have to go up and declare your amorous intentions to him (that would scare the life out of him; and make you out as a nutter!). But you could say Hi, and take it from there - you might not even like him if you get to know him better...but at the very least don't beat yourself up over it. And if he doesn't go out with girls, ummm...that's another problem.

 

 

 

 

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